Asgard Eventide application

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

OOC Information;
Name; Maguro
Personal Journal; arsenictoreador
Contact;
- email: volug337j00@gmail.com
- (Private Messaging my DW or Shinji's works, too! It's actually the fastest way to get to me.)
- plurk: knightoflight
- AIM: larvitarlovetuna

Other Characters; N/A
Activity proof; N/A


IC Information;
Character Name; Shinji Ikari
Canon; Neon Genesis Evangelion
Canon Point; post-anime
Age; 14

House; Heimdall. I am going with this house because of Shinji's reason of why he pilots the Eva, in the series. ("Why do you pilot the Eva?". All the chosen children are asked this.) He's not fighting angels out of the goodness out of his heart and thinks everyone should be protected and wants to bear a burden that no one else should have to. He's not doing it because he wants to return favors. He pilots his Eva because he feels like his existence has worth when he does his duties. He gets praised, acknowledged, and scolded at the same time when he pilots the Eva. He tries to validate his existence through his duties/being a pilot.

Power; Energy Lending

Personality;

The death of his mother and the abandonment by his father, not too long after losing his mother, resulted in Shinji Ikari growing up to have very low expectations and self-worth; a boy with terrible self-esteem since childhood. Shinji Ikari is boy who grew up just living through day-to-day and doing what was expected of him with no objections from him. He went to school, played the cello often at the request of his teacher that he grew up living with after his father walked out of his life. (Fast forward to when he's 14 years old and meets Gendo Ikari again; the reunion was a far dry from heart-warming. To this day, he does not have a good relationship with his father.)

At an arms-length-distance, Shinji Ikari is an average, agreeable boy who is a bit quiet and has a few problems with his self-esteem. And he is perhaps a bit awkward around women (especially if they come onto him. But from what we gathered with the infamous encounter with Kaji in 2.22, ANYONE can fluster him if they come on strong.), and not the most assertive person you'll meet.

While he sometimes bickers with Asuka Soryu, another fellow Eva pilot and chosen child, Shinji is still a passive person and is the one who usually attempts to pacify her abrasive behavior in any way he is able to. So it's not that Shinji doesn't have a backbone, it's just that he doesn't always have the energy to care enough to put up a fight. So he usually thinks it's just easier to let people have it their way, rather than fight it. (and more inclined to pick his battles.)

In the beginning of the series, Shinji feels as if he had no choice but to pilot the eva, that this was a thing that Shinji had no say in. However, Shinji does become a little more willing of piloting the Eva when he gets praised by his father after a mission. Just hearing a "Good job" from his father left Shinji taken aback, and made him finally think of his reason of piloting Eva after a while answering "I don't know what my reason is" when he was asked before. He is no hero, and even he had a better attitude, Shinji wouldn't want to be, let alone think of himself as a hero. As odd as it sounds, he pilots the Eva for the praise and approval of others, including his father, who he still had some disdain towards; which is a total contrast to Asuka's reasons for piloting Eva which was "to be the best.". He feels his existence has some worth when he pilots the Eva.

Shinji is a boy who wants to be liked and wants your approval, another reason why he isn't a confrontational person. Growing up, his teacher had him take up playing the cello. Shinji kept playing it and actually became quite skilled at it, as Asuka commented when she heard him play. When she asks "Why do you keep playing?" he answers "Because no one told me to stop."

When it comes to getting emotionally close to Shinji or wanting to make a bond with him... Well. There is an expression called "The Hedgehogs's Dilemma" that describes one of Shinji's downfalls. It is when:
(1) The closer two beings come to one another in a relationship, the more likely it might be for them to inflict psychological pain on each other
(2) Yet if they remain apart, they each might feel the roughly-equivalent pain of loneliness.

It is the very explanation of why Shinji is quite the introvert who rarely makes friends at school and is rather content with just listening to his SDAT player (his cassette player) than talk to other classmates. Only Toji and Kensuke were the ones who got through to Shinji and were his only friends at school. When he is with them, he acts and behaves like the 14 year old boy he actually is, and not just an Eva pilot with responsibilities and burdens. Thus, this proves that Shinji is able to make friends, he just doesn't always take initiative to reach to others.

He'd rather keep you at an arms-length distance, if he is able to. Get any closer or cross that boundary and he will try to close in on himself, emotionally.

He rarely reaches out to others because he believes it will only hurt him in the end. And on the flip side of that same coin, he hates and fears being alone and that hurts him just as much, if not more. From what we gather from the conversation that he had with Kaworu Nagisa, the only person Shinji was able to confide in, is that while Shinji is cautious of people around him, he does not hate anyone. (except his father, which he feel he is perfectly justified in doing so.)

In the "End of Evangelion", it is shown that while Shinji has been hurt and betrayed in his lifetime, he still values his individuality and would rather still exist physically than live a life in Instrumentality where the souls of all beings were merged into one huge sea of LCL. He realized that even there is pain/will be pain in his lifetime, there is still the happiness from being cared about and caring about another individual; Shinji got to experience what that is like with the help of Kaworu Nagisa, no matter how short-lived that bond was.

This was why when the Third Impact happened, the Apocalypse of their world, he rejected Instrumentality, in the end. So, all that said, Shinji is not all hopeless when it comes to people. Shinji has the potential to go in a better direction. Towards the end of the series, he starts to think in a better direction than he did in the beginning despite needing a little work on self-esteem. (Going from "I am worthless/useless" to "Yes, I'm a coward, and I am only me.. but I am worth living here!") As hopeless as he made himself and his life out to be, and as much as he dislikes himself, somewhere in his heart, Shinji Ikari has the will to live and wouldn't want to die.